Finding me

This period of time i’ve been feeling weary. I found myself feeling lost, and literally getting lost. I can’t find myself.. There’ve been too many times that i drove aimlessly.. Where am i heading to? I don’t seem to have an idea.

Thing is I can’t pinpoint the problem. Nothing dramatic happened. There’s some work stress, but that’s just minimal. I’m coping fine.

I just can’t find fulfillment in my life. Something is lacking.. I feel empty, and I need to find some meaning in my life. I can’t be waking up late every morning, can’t be dashing to work just to be “on time”. There has to be more to life than beating the traffic every single day, working, then spending on material items and try to fulfill the soul.. I need some spiritual and moral nourishment..

Retail Therapy!

I’m glad I scheduled time for shopping this weekend.. I manage to get myself a couple of things which I like, and i’m glad i didn’t go back to the office on Sunday~!

I bought a red Longchamp Le Pilage, 2 pairs of footwear from Steve Madden, and a ring from Aldo.. It has been a while since I’ve done a shopping spree! It’s been a happy weekend..

Happy 2010 (part 1)

Has been a long while since i’ve entered something. I can’t even remember if its because i’ve been lazy, or i’m simply too busy with other stuffs.. Anyway, what better time than now to update this dusty space.

I’ve been to Batam and came back.. We had bbq at my place for NYE and celebrated Audrey’s birthday. Then one fine Tuesday afternoon a sharp pain struck my back when i was getting out of the car. Then let’s just fast forward everything, I’ve been in the hospital for 4 days.. Finally got back home today to rest.

I think the med is kicking in.. I’m feeling drowsy starting at the screen. I hope I make it back here later to write about the things I wanna achieve for 2010.

To be continued….

Drunk talks

Quite surprised by my own selfish side.. I never thought I would react this way..

“What I can’t get, I don’t want it taken too.”

Even when i’m no longer interested.. I’m sorry but you can’t have it too. Especially now that u pissed off. You want a war? I’ll give you a war. I don’t believe I don’t have what it takes. Even if I really don’t have it, i’m not gonna back off without a good fight.

Rianne’s update

Little Rianne attended her first day of school today! Even though it’s just play school, i’m feeling so excited for her already! Very soon, she is going to be making her first friends.. A whole new journey is awaiting for her.. I can already imagine her running around with her little school bag!

I can’t help but feel so touched. Seeing her progress and grow up since the day she is born.. Babies are simply amazing! Everyday she amazes us with something new. It’s like watching my own kid grow up. So heartwarming and nice..

Black Friday

Today is one of those days that work pissed me off big time. I lose my cool. And the worse part is being backstabbed. Shall not go into details since Friday is already over. I’m no longer upset. Least my day ended smooth. I am thankful, really.

It’s December again. The year is ending. On hindsight, I have been in construction for about 9 months already. I still find this unbelievable. I must say I have learnt a lot about working with different people, and working around situations.

Before I gain enough working experience, I am put into management level. Depending on how you look at it, it’s both a good and bad thing. Some people thinks that I’m having it easy. After all, i am the boss’ daughter. A lot of people do not treat me genuinely. Some people tries to bootlick. Some don’t give me a hoot. And it’s not like I don’t know what kind of criticisms are flying around. I am a greenhorn. It’s so easy for people to say – “用鸡毛当令箭”. (Using the chicken feathers as the commanding tool.) It jus means i do not have what it takes, but still want to be in command.

The unfortunate thing is that there is a certain truth to it. I am green. And it’s hard to gain respect from the elders. I do not blame them for thinking this way.

I am given the luxury of flexibility – e.g. the opportunity to drive out for lunch if I have no appointments, etc. But this does not mean I am in any way less busy than someone else. Every job has its commitments.It really does not mean that I am not taking my work seriously. I just don’t whine out loud about my pains.

It is easy for people to judge me from the surface. I am made the manager because my dad is the boss. I get a car not because I have the ability to afford one yet, but my family is more well-doing. It is easy to call me a spoilt brat or even good-for-nothing. It’s really ok. As long as my conscious is clear. I always tell myself.

But it still hurts when these arrows come stabbing behind your back, or right in your heart. I am, but human, after all. It hurts when people I dunno thinks that way. It hurts much more when people I am close to, judges me the same way too.

My time is as precious as yours. You are busy, so am I. Everyone has problems. Just deal with your problems diplomatically. Please don’t make your problem sound bigger than the universe, when a lot of times, it’s just your mind toying with your perception of reality. Use your brains before you shoot off your mouth.

Move on..

U’re too selfish for my own good. So i’ve decided to move on, move fast, move u out of my life.

Stop playing games with me. Stop toying with my heart.

Emotionally Unavailable

Was randomly pondering why I haven been able to get involve emotionally.. Seems like I am “emotionally unavailable”. Am I having an identity crisis?

At times it seems like only work is keeping me sane. Am I becoming depressed again? I can’t let myself slip down the downward spiral.. But i seem to have began struggling with myself. God please give me enough strength to paddle on.. God please give me wisdom to see the light.. God please give me courage to hold my head up high.

 

Time Whirl

Got home from yet another night of madness. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. My dark rings and eye bags freaked me out. Then all the other changes in my body became so apparent to me all of a sudden.

My skin is dehydrated and becoming more blemished than before.. Even my lips are cracked and they are taking forever to heal. My hair is in a mess, but thank God i’m going to get my fix tomorrow.. Then I realised I have a rather hideous tan. How do I become fairer in my line of work? I figured that’s mission impossible.

These physical changes are screaming out loud to me, age is really catching up.

My friday ended at 6am on Saturday. And my Saturday ended at 2am on Sunday. This is really not good. I am lacking the much needed sleep. I am depleting more energy on weekends than the working weekdays.. I don’t wanna count the amount of booze I’ve put into my body since last weekend. It’s time to relax and go easy on alcohol. With every drop of alcohol, I am 1 step nearer to the aesthetician’s clinic..

I’ve been contemplating a visit to the aesthetician. I need to fix the scarring on my face. It’s daunting my confidence a bit.. I never had really bad skin. So this is freaking me out. I began taking oral supplements for skin and hair. I hope it’s gonna improve the condition.

I never really thought aging would be an issue to me. I realise that, to age gracefully is not that simple after all.. I’m seeing the first signs of aging and i really don’t like it. Now i understand why there’s such a huge market for anti-aging products and services.

Old Skool Time~!

Caught up with Sangeetha after some years.. It’s always great to catch up with old friends. Those faded memories got relived. We remember how ‘creative’ we were at 14! Before we know, more than 10 years has past us.. I’m glad the playground is still there. Though a little embarrassing, we really should go back there again one day!!

 

The desserts at Marmalade Pantry never fails to cheer me up! Great desserts are the best way to end off a stressful work day.. And the great companionship is just like cherry toppings atop the world’s best dessert~!